Being at Peace with being Alone

eee3247244e38f0853e17913ca4f51d3

So I’ve realized that I do not fit in with crowds. I’ve tried multiple times, but my many interests actually seem to scare people away. I find myself never being bored because my hobbies are all quite fun. If I’m not drawing, I’m writing lyrics to a beat. If I’m not writing, I’m watching Anime. If I’m not watching anime, I’m singing. If I’m not singing, I’m studying, If I’m not studying, I’m skateboarding and well you get the point. Usually when I meet people they have one or two interests at most and so they tend to be around people with only those interests. I, on the other hand, try to spice up conversations about my interests and they can’t relate. Even if they can relate to at least one of my interests my conversation usually incorporates everything that I am passionate about. When I do that people tend to think that I am bragging about the things that I do. I dance and rap and drum and sing and blah blah blah. I’m sure they here blah blah blah when I am speaking. I am also a debater and pretty decent public speaker. I am writing all of my interests because I believe that maybe I can find people like me. I do not do these things because I want to brag, but because these interests kept me feeling happy. Before I found my hobbies, I stayed at home often when I was a child because my parents felt that I didn’t need to go visit many places. As I grew older I found that I was an introvert, but I did extroverted things. I’m pretty much fully at peace with who I am now. Even when I tried to mingle people often thought I was just a little too weird and I had trouble understanding why they thought that. I thought I was pretty funny, but apparently I was wrong. I’ve stopped caring about whether people accept me or not though because I have so much to do with so little time. I’ll find happiness through doing the things that I love. If you have trouble fitting in, it’s not because you do not belong. It is because you’re extremely unique and have so much to offer to the world.

Unleashing the Hero

Hello everyone, my name is Shalanda Renee Plowden. I’ve decided to create this blog because I believe that it is time for me to start exposing the hidden hate, lies, and hypocrisy that come from those who claim they care about us. It is time that I speak and not stay silent. These feelings have been buried within me for some time, but I believe it is now time to set those feelings free. I’ve been ridiculed and beaten down emotionally and mentally by those who hated me without just cause. Even those who knew how caring and loving of a person I was hated me for absolutely no reason at all. I am tired of keeping quiet because I believe that I can be a hero to those like me who also try to stay sane during painful times. I thought that I would be able to wait and just let God and time deal with those who hurt me, but God revealed to me that he did not give me a spirit of fear, but a spirit that is extremely powerful. I lost my little sister on September 10th, in 2016 and when I lost her the chains that were keeping me from standing up for myself were loosened. My little sister was my inspiration and the reason I was able to keep calm when people mistreated me. She was an angel with Down Syndrome who gave me hope and a reason to continue living. I was so angry all of the time, but I disguised it well because I did not want to jeopardize a great future that I wanted my little sister to have. I have been unafraid to die for quite some time, but when Asia left me I simply didn’t care about trying not to offend someone for being a good person. I was going to be me and if someone did not approve of me I felt that they could go kick rocks. I am currently that way and I do not think that I will change. I am exhausted which means I do not have time to slow myself down for those who cannot keep up. I worked hard for everything I’ve received and people wanted me to stop being successful so they could rise above me. When I was naive, I thought I was supposed to be nice by letting them take their anger out on me because I couldn’t change who I was. Well, that side of me died when my sister did. Standing up for yourself is not mean or offensive. I will fight back but in a righteous manner (and in a PHYSICAL manner too if they try to get a little crazy because I am not the one). I believe that my mission is to fight for and uphold justice. I will stand up to all the bullies in this world. I am not afraid anymore and I would happily die in a heartbeat if it meant bringing peace to this world. Follow me so you too can join the fight against unnecessary hate and end it. I want to write and get those who are not just to become filled with kindness. I want to wake them up because it is time for the hate, cheating, lying, and everything else harming innocent people to end. I want to lead this fight against evil. I am the individual who will rise up.  I am the Anomalous Heroine.

cropped-the.png

Stop Confusing People Who Care About You

giphy (4)

What I really can’t stand is when people send me mixed signals. Specifically guys who know that I like them. I swear it’s the most annoying thing in the world. When I ask you the first time, don’t lie and then weeks or months later you say, “I wAsN’t sUrE aT tHe TiMe, bUt NoW I aM,” or some dumb stuff like that. No, you were uncertain from the beginning because I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t sense it. It’s not that hard to just be upfront. It won’t hurt my feelings. What will hurt my feelings is someone leading me on and then lie when I ask them if they’re leading me on. What is even the point? People like that are seriously inconsiderate and I cannot believe they don’t care about what they could be doing to the person they’re tormenting. I’ve become better with accepting that people can be terrible, but now it just irritates me to my core. I don’t get sad; I get mad. I In my case, someone who I don’t like will know that I don’t like them. The thing is, ;usually, if I stop liking a person, it’s not me. They did something that did not align with my values, desires, etc. I literally don’t do anything to make someone dislike me, so to be lead on is a waste of my precious time. I have more important things to do than sit and think about what I did to deserve your indecisiveness. So far, I’ve done nothing wrong and was literally the perfect potential mate for all of my love interests. They just didn’t deserve me. Hey reader, if you’re feeling lead on after being a great person, leave them because you are too precious to have your time wasted by some idiot. 🙂

Take Beyonce and Ariana’s Advice

giphy (2)

It’s always a little difficult to accept rejection, but you have to quickly accept it and move on. I was recently blocked on Twitter and at first I was confused. That person doesn’t know that I have another twitter account that’s more for my professional career, but even though I have that account I won’t contact or worry about him anymore. It’s not worth it to try and figure out what you did wrong or why they didn’t accept your affection. There are only so many chances you should give to a person. I was actually waiting for the cutoff because constantly thinking about whether or not I was getting through was extremely draining. I was stressing over someone who really just didn’t care enough. I am the type of person who needs an actual reason to dismiss someone from my life. Well, he definitely gave me one. He has done me a huge favor and now I don’t have to spend my days worrying about him. The fact that he was my first kiss was one of the reasons I fought against my usual route of dismissal. I gave this person multiple chances and I even pursued for once. I don’t pursue because I’m usually the one to push people away. This time though, I thought I saw something special in this person. If there is something special about him, then I will never know and that’s fine. Thank U, Next. ;3 It’s refreshing that I am able to write about a situation and then literally move on. It’s the best medicine for me and it makes me happy because I am able to really think about an issue and find out if someone or something was actually worth my time. 9 times out of 10, they weren’t. The phrase, “Boy I gotta watch my back, cause I’m not just anybody,” applies to me 100% and I’m not about to cry over someone who didn’t realize that. That amount of obliviousness in itself is a clear sign that we were not meant to be. I wanted someone who would appreciate my abilities and talents. I wanted someone to grow with who was just as intellectual and creative as me. I recently had this extremely long conversation with a guy majoring in political science and we laughed and enjoyed ourselves by having an informative discussion. He even complimented my intelligence and I did the same to him. Plus, his smile is so gorgeous. Anyway, I realized that a person who doesn’t put in the proper effort, can easily be replaced. Oh, another great phrase is, “Don’t you ever for a second get to thinking, you’re irreplaceable.”

giphy (3).gif

In the most sophisticated way possible I just want to say, “Boy bye.” Ladies, remain being queens and never pursue the guy who treats you like you’re anything less.

OH…Now I Get It! I’m an INTJ!

 

giphy (1)

So, I remember finding out my personality type when I was a freshman in college. I didn’t pay much attention because in the orientation class they made everyone feel great and they only mentioned the nice qualities of each personality type with very little explanation. Well I recently was having a “Why don’t people understand me??” episode and I decided to look into my personality type once again. Now at 23 I get it and it all makes sense. I was never “normal” because my personality type is extremely rare and I’m lucky if I’ll meet the folks who truly understand me in my lifetime. Being an INTJ female means that only .8% of the entire population get me. That’s so messed up, but hey I just have to deal with it. I thought maybe it’d just be difficult to find friends, but it turns out relationships are hard too. Idk why I’m always misunderstood because in my mind I’m pretty normal, but to everyone else I swear I’m not from Earth. People are always assuming things about me even when I explain to them exactly how I am, what I like, etc. It’s really difficult trying to fit in when no matter how hard you try, you literally just won’t. That’s why my hobbies are so important to me. If I didn’t have them, wew, I’d be a mess. It’s stressful reaching out to people only to have them shut you out. I’ve only had a few good friends and one bestie my entire life, so finding out that my personality type was INTJ made me very…happy? I mean I’m Batman, Dr. Strange, Ciel Phantomhive, and other amazing characters who make feel like I’m not normal for a grand purpose. I do believe in myself when no one else does. I have to. No matter how many times my emotions are negatively stirred, I have to remember my mission. When I remember my goal, I am always able to calm down and find peace again. My life has been pretty good and I can’t complain to be honest. To clarify, I mean good in the sense that it could have been much worse. I literally don’t have time for pity parties. I finally was able to break free from some anxiety that I’ve been feeling and I thank that person for allowing me to release that anxiousness. It was an experience, but it taught me so much. I had to remind myself that I am here for a reason and if someone can’t support my goals and let me support theirs, then there is no way that we can be friends let alone in a relationship. Sometimes you can’t get what or who you want; but you have to remember that if you don’t get something you wanted, it was probably (definitely) for the best. I’m just going to throw away the memories I no longer want. I always do that. I also have to stop acting as though I experience completely new situations because they’re just previous experiences painted with a different color. My personality type is unique and I’ve always known that I was different, but knowing why gives me peace of mind. What’s also pretty cool is that every now and again I am an INFJ. It’s crazy because no matter if I am an INTJ one day and an INFJ the next, I am still extremely unique and unlikely to find people who get me. I have met some amazing people recently and I am so thankful that they came into my life. They’re so supportive and cool! I think one of my new friends is extremely wise. I am figuring my life out and I am actually growing in all areas of my life. It’s pretty cool because I’m adulting all over. Eventually I’ll go ultra instinct. 😀

You Can’t Get Upset Over Others Not Being Like You

giphy

It took me until yesterday to realize that I cannot force people to change or be the way that I want them to be. I can dream and fantasize, but in the end it will always be up to them. You cannot force them to get to know you or try to understand you. That is entirely up to them. Before you get angry at what someone does, stop and think why you’re getting upset. It’s most probably because they aren’t behaving the way that you would or you would like them to behave. They are not your clones. They will not think in the same manner as you. They will not feel the same way that you do about certain situations or topics. I really wanted a person to understand who I was or let me explain myself, but the communication failed. This often happens and it’s usually not your fault. I just have to accept that some people will not understand me or want to understand me. Sometimes I don’t even understand myself, so how can I get upset with someone for choosing to remain in their comfort zones. Sometimes it makes laugh at how fragile people can be when you simply try to get them to understand something and they shut down because they refuse to see things in a new way. I allow myself to always keep an open mind, but some (most) people are not like that. It sucks, but it becomes easier to accept. I’ve grown so much and I am thankful for my growth because without certain experiences I would not be able to move forward with the many situations I face today. Remember that your life is one big storybook. Each chapter has new characters and sometimes the characters that you think are important are really just minor characters meant to only appear for a few pages. You are unique and one of a kind, so don’t think too hard about those who don’t get you. The protagonists of your story will come in due time. 😉

Why are there cliques in the workplace? Do you belong? Should you care?

I’ve come to the realization that everything repeats itself. There are cliques formed in elementary school, middle school, high school, college, and yes the professional setting as well. You may have thought that you just have to keep moving up in the world to finally rid yourself of the games and immature behavior once you make it to the real world. Well, my apologies, but it just doesn’t work that way. Adults form cliques just like high school kids. It’s really strange in my opinion, but also very real. I thought that maybe adults wouldn’t have time to care about certain things, but people are always competing with one another. The bad part is that many workplaces have unhealthy competitions going on. Why can’t you compete in a friendly manner? I don’t understand why the kindness factor does not apply. It’s mind-blowing. Some workplaces gang up on one individual and label them. They make them feel like they don’t belong. Someone told me about a work party they attended and said that they gave him the name of some old employee. I could be wrong, but from what he told me his co-workers weren’t being very friendly by knighting him as the employee they “shadily’ made fun of in the past. I felt so bad for him and wanted to roll up to his job and yell at them all, but like I said, I could have been completely wrong about my interpretation. The thing is that my interpretation isn’t fictional. People really do ridicule or mistreat one employee at a job. It hasn’t happened to me, but I can say that there is usually a reason why people mistreat a person. I believe that most times it’s because the other employees have decided that they see your potential and they don’t want you to realize it. They believe if they make you hate your environment then you won’t have the willpower to reach your true potential. They’re draining your desire to succeed by beating you down emotionally. Well, I’m here to tell you to ignore those people. My advice will always be to smile and hold your head up high. You’re amazing and they know it. Also, if you don’t do what they do and they’re out-casting you for that, don’t change. Your blessing is on the way. If you remain kind and do the right thing you will be rewarded.

eg2o

How to Respond when People Throw Shade at You

So to start, I do not let people see all parts of me until they prove themselves to be trustworthy. Usually if a person doesn’t get to see all of me they’ve already proven themselves to be bad and not worth my time. This is usually because they’ve already started misjudging me and being shady. Let’s talk about shady people. There are people who think they are good at being shady, but they’re horrible at it. I mean really bad. They should just be mean upfront rather than try to be shady if shadiness just isn’t their forte. I mean come on people. Well, I developed a skill for pointing out those kinds of people and their shady ways. I’ve been good at it since I was a little kid. The best way to spot shade is by a person’s personality when they’re not around you. Pay attention to how a person behaves when they’re not speaking to you. If you’re not really “friends” with them and they come up to you acting a completely different way then they do with their friends, then ALERT ALERT. They’re probably about to cover you with some major shade. Shade can be in many forms by the way. It can be harmless or it can be insulting. I hate both because I despise fake people. I can always spot a fake and again I’ve been doing this for a long time. As I’ve mentioned, I’m an extremely nice person, but people really know how to make me lose my patience. I never show it though because I’ve learned that I can’t go around smacking people or renting a car to run people over. That would be a tort. I believe that the best way to deal with shady people is to ignore them or write about them. 🙂 So, throughout my life I’ve come across shady folks and they come in different colors and sizes. So, I’ve experienced a variety of petty/shady people. [I think I will be writing about petty people as well so be on the lookout for that.] So, there are a few people that I really want to run ov…that I really want to pu…that I really need to pray for. 😀 Praying for shady people also helps. So one time this girl came  up to me right. I was by myself because that’s usually how you’ll find me. I don’t like to bother people and I don’t like people to force themselves to bother with me. Usually truly good people stay in my life so when certain people exit quickly I know they were bad eggs. Well, back to this girl. So this person saw that I was not really socializing with people and so she comes up to me trying to make small talk. I automatically picked up on the shade. It was all in her voice and on her face. I was watching a football game at an event and I assume other people thought I was weird because I was enjoying myself alone. I mean who likes to have fun by themselves? Who does that? c: Apparently that’s a strange thing to do. Well, this girl was surprised when I responded the way that I did. She was shooketh. I mean the best thing about her face was the :o. You know like the Pikachu meme. LOL So, another way to find out if a person is truly shady pay attention to how they act with you after they throw the shade and it failed. So, after that day the girl treated me like crap. I knew she was fake. I knew it, but being the kind person that I am, I continued to be nice because I don’t waste my anger on horrible individuals. So yeah, this girl is rude and every time I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt or another chance to be kind, she blew it. Smh. Shady people really think they’re great at being shady, but if you have shady people in your life you can spot them. Don’t be like me and give them multiple chances. Learn to throw better shade, but shade that is thrown in a nice way. When people throw shade at me, the first thing I do is smile because I literally smile all the time. Well, not all the time, but I smile a whole lot. I love to smile because I’m usually always happy. If you read my pinned post you’d know why. There are so many things to be happy about. So yeah, when someone throws shade at you, smile and then respond to their shady question or statement with kindness, but in a way that allows them to know that you peeped their shade. They usually end up looking like:

giphy (1)

I swear people hate kindness these days and I have no idea why. It’s like they’re souls are just so dark any kind of light sets them off. I’ll pray for them because wew. Now, they don’t directly show me their anger, but their actions and behavior toward me show that they did not like shady kindness. I think in the next post I’ll be talking about people who shun you after they tried to make you feel bad and it didn’t work. Hahahahaha~ Bro, I am seriously not the one if you want to hurt someone’s feelings. You’re wasting your time. Anyway, I hope you got something out of this. Dismiss shady people from your life and find people that shine light. 😀

oeti

It’s OK to Stand Up for Yourself

I-Am-Not-A-Doormat

I am not going to say all, but there are individuals out there who will take person’s kindness for granted. They could care less about how thy make others feel, yet they do not appreciate when someone treats them like they treat others. I used to have problems standing up for myself. It was hard because I never wanted to hurt someone’s feelings even though they would hurt mine. It took a long time for me to realize that I just they couldn’t take anymore of the unnecessary jokes and mocking and general meanness. I was not bothering those people, but they would emotionally attack me for no reason. It was bothersome and it made me not want to live to be honest. I wondered why kindness was so taboo. It was as if the golden rule was obsolete and no one followed it anymore. I decided that something had to be done. I was not going to be doormat and I was not going to let them walk all over me like one. When people would try to discreet with their hate, I would catch it and let them know that I caught it. They would put a shocked expression on their face and then I’d just smile. They thought I was stupid and had no common sense because I was soooo nice.

What they did not know about me was that I kept my anger bottled up because I was trying to be the bigger person. I realized that I could still stand up for myself and come out as the bigger person.

Standing up for yourself has so gives you so many personal benefits because it acts as a confidence booster and then you start to believe that you are capable of so much more. That is what is happening to me and I’m so excited! I am now starting to believe in myself and not hold myself back because of what others do to me. In order for them to leave me alone, I used to switch up my behavior and try to be boring so they wouldn’t notice me. That was a waste of time because sometimes people simply do not like you because you’re you. What God has given to you is yours and no one has the right to take what belongs to you whether it’s something like joy or an actual object. Enjoy your blessings, be you, and live the life that God gifted you.

 

Fear Should Never be an Excuse

url

Today made me realize that if I know that I am able to do something that I love, I should just go out and do it. There was an outside BBQ today and music was playing. There were only a few guests dancing and I love to dance. I was afraid to go and join because I was afraid of what the other guests would say. One of my favorite songs came on and I made my decision. I got out of my seat and headed over to the group. When I entered I immediately started having a ball. It was fun and a few more people joined after me. I’m actually not that bad of dancer and I have a few videos on YouTube and InstaGram, but this was different for me because this was informal and no one knew that side of me. I was happy in the end because I got other people to come out of their shell and we all had a great time together. I’ve gotten better at reacting situations like this one because when i was little younger, I most probably would have waited almost to the end.

Fear is a barrier in our lives and it is truly unnecessary. I find that most of our fear comes from what we feel others might say about us and the truth is, we all probably want to have fun, but we’re all letting the exact same fears control us. I will continue to keep saying that life is too short to let silly little thoughts stop us from enjoying our lives. Dancing at a BBQ or singing karaoke or anything like that is fun and I can’t believe that we allow our thoughts to keep us from doing fun activities like  the ones mentioned. If we stand up and face our fears then we could accomplish so much more in life because we would be able to go full force and put all our effort without creating limitations that we ourselves create. In order to be great, we must believe in ourselves 100%, which means if we have limiting fears, then we cannot be great. So, fight your fears and tell them that they will no longer be needed.

Waiting on that Special Someone?

tumblr_nm0yg030Js1rpoa8io1_500

tumblr_nb4z7to3YR1tkbl8so2_500

Yes, I love anime and the show above is My Little Monster. I think the couple above is so adorable! (-///-)/  At my age I’ve experienced a couple of romantic encounters, but nothing too serious. I’ve never had a boyfriend and I’m fine with that because going over all of the guys that I liked, I kind of want to slap myself. Ha! I’ve realized that my guy is somewhere doing something at this very moment. Those other guys were not for me which is why we didn’t work out. I’m saving myself for marriage, so that part of a relationship is not what I’m interested in. I want a guy that will be both my stud-muffin (x’D) and my best friend something like  Shizuku and Haru. I mean look at them. (*///*)~ He is nerdy and handsome at the same time and you may think, well duh, it’s an anime character. I’d like to consider myself an optimist and I believe that guys like this exist. We all have our special someone thinking the exact same thing that we’re thinking and they’re waiting on us just like we’re waiting on them. How on Earth do we meet them though? Well, there is a thing called patience and following your dreams. I believe that when you find something that you love to do and invest in that activity or project, your special someone will be somewhere in that vicinity because your interests are similar. People get personality and interests completely mixed up. Haru and Shizuku up there are super different in regard to their personality, but they’re both super smart and caring.

I don’t the guy version of me (although that would be nice and is it wrong that I would prefer him to be Caucasian with dark curly hair, glasses, and super smart?) because that is asking a bit much. I just want a guy with a similar heart. I believe that I have put myself in places where I will meet guys like that. The only way to do that is by doing what I love. I will start volunteering more and be a better philanthropist. It is quite simple you will meet party guy at a party most likely. You will most probably meet future politician on an internship. It gets more complicated when you’re looking for actual substance though. The thing is, you have to make yourself available to your special someone. He will never meet you if you stay away from him. It’s super hard for me to meet my guy since I have so many interests, but I think I’ve finally figured it out. I want a someone with a good heart who wants to help the world like me. If I just be good person and what I’m supposed to do as a good person, I’ll meet my guy being a good person somewhere (x’D). It may take a little time for your guy to notice you because he’ll most probably be super into doing whatever he is interested in, but if you continue to shine in your area, your paths will cross and the rest will be history (good history). \(^///^)/

Stop Dreaming and Move #Literally

move-away1

So I’m from a small town in the “boot” shaped state. *rolls eyes* I used to be in love with it until I went on this academic adventure in 2012 to Baltimore, Maryland.

[I notice I start my entries off with so quite often lol]

The best part about the travel was that we drove. I could tell you the story in detail because the actual best part is something that is extremely important to me, but I’ll save that for another day. ( I may have mentioned it in my ‘about the heroine’ post). Anyway, we stopped in a few cities on the way and my favorite was Virginia, Beach. I never experienced such a beautiful and friendly place! It was gorgeous and there was so much to do. Currently, I’m interning in Washington, DC as I write this and I love it out here. It’s such a breath of fresh air and there is literally something to do everyday. I’m about to go running Saturday at Roosevelt Island. That’s pretty fun considering we do not have anything exciting except Wal-Mart in my town. *rolls eyes again* It is so boring and I’m an adventurous individual. I love to keep myself busy because I have so many hobbies. The sad part about having many hobbies in a small town is that, you will most probably be the only one interested in building on those hobbies. There are not places to practice the dance that I’m interested in. There are no places nearby to go sightseeing. There aren’t even many good places to go window shopping. I have to drive twenty minutes to get to the nearest city and being in DC has made me realize that even that city isn’t what I’m looking for. So, I want to move to a place that suits me. I tell my parents all the time that they don’t belong in our town because they are so different and their abilities are being stifled. I want them to enjoy themselves while they still can considering what has happened (“What has happened” is in the about the heroine post). I feel so cheated because I believe that I could’ve been doing so much with my hobbies in the time that has passed. I go on YouTube and I’m just like, “Ooooh I want to do that!!” Yeah, well all I can do is dream because “that” is so far away, but wait! I could go to “that” if I move where “that” is. That seems pretty logical. You see, it’s not that my parents can’t move away, it’s the fact they are afraid to. Fear holds people back from making their dreams a reality. If you want to experience something then go experience it! You literally have one life to live and fear shouldn’t stop you from living it, especially if you want to live to do something good. I signed up for an internship in DC, got it and hopped on a plane. Following your dreams is not impossible if you actually make the effort and start moving.